Uncommon Mental Disorders Caused By Facebook

Selfie Mania

Selfie mania is caused by people wanting pictures of themselves to post on their Facebook profiles, or to tag others with so everyone can see how totally idiotic it is to take a picture of yourself with your cellphone while you’re in a bathroom looking in a mirror.

Page Envy

Page Envy is brought about by the longing to have the Likes and fans that pages larger than your own have. This particular disorder is so virulent that it leads to another disorder which I list next.

SforSassholia

SforSassholia is often preceded by Page Envy and is easily detected.  You will notice someone with this affliction always asking others if they would like to do a “S4S”, meaning if you share mine, I’ll share yours.  Those inflicted think this will  help their page grow.  The truth of the matter being, if your content is not any good to begin with it won’t matter who shares it.

Weekend Warrioritis

Weekend Warrioritis afflicts many unfortunately.  It is most often caused by people who believe that the pen actually is mightier than the sword and find a status that they disagree with and proceed to try to knock the person who posted the status or the status on its own, by commenting disagreeably and boldly; often accompanied by physical threats that they know they will never have to stand behind as they are “virtual” and hidden by some type of computer screen and will never see the person or persons they’re attacking in “real life”

Trollaphobia

Trollaphobia is the fear of always being attacked by Internet trolls.  These creatures waste page admins valuable time as they either have to engage the troll in responses, block the troll, and often soothe the feelings of other fans who the troll has offended.  Individuals whose personal profiles are trolled will find their time wasted as well as often the remarks made by trolls are highly derogatory and shouldn’t be seen by children or family members.  Time is wasted removing remarks and changing privacy settings in an effort to avoid future attacks.

Reportitis

Reportitis is most commonly seen in individuals with too much time on their hands and an epic case of self-righteousness. They think if they don’t agree with something or it is against anything they believe in personally that no one else has the right to their own opinions and ideas and they are quick to press the report button.  All they actually need to do is either not Like the page or profile they are on, or Dislike if they previously Liked, and hit the X on their browser tab to close the page or choose the back arrow to go to their previous location.  This is usually far too easy a solution for people with this disorder.

Grammar Naziholic

Grammar Naziholics are as thick as fleas on a homeless dog on Facebook.  I don’t care what page or profile you are on there is always one person that is a Grammar Naziholic to be found in comments.  These people think it is their duty to criticize people’s spelling and grammar and particularly love to point out errors on memes.  They should realize that most posters and memes they find these errors in were shared from other sites to begin with so there is really no point in drawing attention to any mistakes as there’s nothing that anyone can do about it and really don’t give a shit about anyways.  If something is funny or interesting it’s funny or interesting with misspellings. You are doing nothing but being a pain in the ass when you nitpick someone else’s status and content.

Zuckerbergia

Zuckerbergia is probably the worst of all of the afflictions and mental disorders that Facebook causes.  The people who have Zuckerbergia think that they own Facebook and things should be done exactly the way they want them done.  They think they can tell others on Facebook what they should do and how they should be doing it.  They often send emails to what they hope is an address that will go directly to the namesake of this disorder as they believe that once he sees their opinion he will waste no time in implementing their thoughts as they also suffer from Delusional Disorder and cannot tell the real world from the imagined.

These are just a few of the little known mental disorders and afflictions that can be caused by participating on Facebook.  If there are any disorders that YOU know about and I have not listed, please feel free to enlighten us in comments, and thanks!

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