48 Ways To Say No

This was written by an old blog friend of mine who I can’t find now to link to, but Lingo Slinger- wherever you are, you’re not forgotten!

I have a headache
She doesn’t live here
I’m actually a Pastafarian
It isn’t something I really dig
I might spontaneously burst into flames
My “God” wouldn’t be cool with that
Satan would not be happy
I’m shipping out of here on a cargo rig
What would your mother say?
I’m too busy doing my self-breast examination
I just got crop dusted and have to flee


Needles are too scary
I’m too high
I’m busy balling socks
Two words: licking batteries
Already crazy enough thanks
Go touch a melon, you’ll get the idea
I can have my ass talk to you if you’d like
Naw dawg
Lets table that for the time being
Why don’t we White board it
Fuck off
I hate you
Lets circle back to that
Come again?
Maybe when K Cars are cool
Can it be turned into a show tune?
Slather some anal lube on and we’ll talk
You must be talking to one of my other personalities
I don’t do anything that isn’t virtual
Go die over there
I’d rather give your old rancid dog a blow job
I’m filming an infomercial right now
Will you wear this?
I have camel toe right now
My fly eyes are indicating a “no”
Shall we discuss over a game of dungeons & dragons?
I’ll inject, you talk
I am feeling a bit gassy right now
I am actually inventing a new color at the moment
I’m a demonic bunny
I’m reading a really good grocery flyer
Just waiting for Keith Richards to overdose
Probably not
I’m not really talkative
I actually don’t like other humans
Fuck You
* Don’t be a damn people pleaser

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